Noirwomannews’s Weblog

September 24, 2008

A Black Diamond

Filed under: Realationships — noirwomannews @ 7:43 am
Tags: ,

I met a young woman in her twenties at a party, she was beautiful and had the world in her hands, yet she didn’t know the power she possessed. Her story is that of many women both young and old.


Nikki was stunning in such a natural way and her personality was beaming. She  was direct and no nonsense, but most of it came from the pain of being hurt and disappointed so much in her life by men.


Her story wasn’t new; many women go though the process of dating man after man and believing story after story only to find out that your value is in you, not the physical beauty. It saddened me that at such an early age a woman could become so hard, yet there was still a glimmer of her heart.


A gentleman approached Nikki obviously attracted to her looks, a great body, and a cute little black wrap dress above the knees showing off the legs to rival Tina Turner. She rolled her eyes as he spoke, and finally asked what? What is it that you want?  He stood stuck with a puzzled look on his face. I wanted to laugh, but her tone and look let me know that It wasn’t funny. It was fear she was feeling.  


Nikki began to tell a story about her favorite uncle, and the thing he liked most about her was that she was always “real,” Unpretentious. The man got the hint; Nikki was seeing through him as he gazed over her, yet still unable to speak. She had been there and done that, and telling the story of her uncle was her way of saying “please.”


Several of her male friends she had attended college with were present, they even knew what Nikki didn’t know:  which was that she had the power in her to have everything she wanted and on her on terms. That’s the power of a young, beautiful and intelligent black woman.


Young women have a difficult time dating and it’s important that they learn to love self first. In doing so you are protective of the things you love and treasure, which means you share self with those you develop a true friendship with and that may lead to a relationship.


I’ll always think about Nikki because looking at her reminded me of myself, only I was fortunate enough to realize my value early in life. Someone told me to love me first and only then could someone else share those feelings. To truly love you is to be protective of self. Not paranoid, but selective.


The years I have over Nikki are many, but somewhere she was not valued as a young woman, and it is that pain she carries around as she looks for someone to tell her she is good enough. Smart enough, pretty enough. “I am just a girl from the south side of Chicago and I keep it real” she said. As she looked around the room she said they are all phony, trying to be important. She was probably right, yet she didn’t realize they too had their own issues of insecurity.


A few cocktails later she was like a butterfly in the room, still sad but a little more sociable. Luckily her male friends watched over her and at the end of the night she got into her Mercedes and drove off after a few hugs, and reminders for us all to remember her uncle William who always said “just be real.



During our conversation she admitted to having low self esteem, and I wanted to mother her, and I did so by saying “You are beautiful. Black, educated and the world is yours to rule. Nikki didn’t see that, but it is my hope that some day she  will, because she deserves to see herself as black diamond which shines uniquely.



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